50. Another letter to him

    Yesterday I saw your best friend in the bar next to the university. I came up to him and I said hi, he didn't recognize me at first, we could say that I've changed a lot. He told me to send a message to our group chat, so I did. Then we started talking and I was so happy to finally hear from you, just so happy. Now it's the morning after, I am still thinking about you, about your voice, your scars and your hair. I memorized every little detail about you, useless details, but to me, they brought me closer to you.

    My friends from university have been a great support, they are always cheering me up and they also say that they are going to go to your house and beat you up (joking, of course) for not realising "how good of a person I am". The thing is that right now I am not in the mood to be a good or a bad person, I am in the same mood I always end up in whenever I talk to you.

    Do you remember when I called you for your birthday? Do you remember how we talked as if nothing had happened? Or don't you remember anything, the same way you never remember any details about our relationship I am hurt but somehow I still love you. A contradiction, that is what I am, this is what you created. You cannot keep avoiding it, you act as if relationships and feelings were not your thing, as if you could escape them, as if you could just not fall in love with anyone or avoid anyone from falling in love with you.

    I want to end this letter by saying that I don't blame you for anything, I know you didn't want any of this to happen, or at least I hope so. I hate that I love you and I hate that you don't. I just wanted you to know the mess that you left behind.

Related to suggested topic 12: A big mistake you once made